Communicating with Your Young Child: How to Ask Questions
Posted: Saturday, November 27, 2010
by Ursula Ansbach
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Plato asked questions to get his students to think. Ever since then we have used questions as a way to encourage learning and it works. To an extent. However, as with everything, too much of a good thing can backfire.
Let’s look at what happens when too many questions are asked. The questioner is in total control of the conversation and the person being asked feels “on the spot" to answer. If the question demands a right answer and has a specific right or wrong response, this creates stress and the demand to perform on the part of the person beings asked. This kind of stress does not promote learning in young children.
Let’s look at the following points. First of all, there are two kinds of questions: open ended and closed ended.
Close ended questions have a right or wrong answer. For example: what color is this? How many dolls do you have? Where were we yesterday? These kinds of questions put children on the spot and are dead enders to learning. The conversation ends with the answer. Interest wanes. Not much accomplished.
Open ended questions have no wrong answer. Whatever the child says, it’s ok. For example: How did you make that? Where would you like to go after nap? What would you like to do today? Tell me about that. This kind of question opens conversation, gives the child a chance to think and talk and deepens the exchange. Learning is in progress!
There are a few other strategies that will be well to keep in mind when asking children questions.
When you ask open ended questions stick to the topic or activity the child is already engaged in. For example, if the child is putting her doll baby to sleep and singing a lullaby, you don’t want to ask what color the blanket is or how many blue dots are on the doll’s nitey. The child isn’t engaged in color at the moment. She’s feeding her baby and singing. You might sing the song with her or ask her to tell you if the baby is asleep yet. That way, you’re staying within the child’s activity instead of disrupting it with a question that’s totally about another topic.
Another option is to ask questions about the child’s thought process. Encourage your child to describe her thoughts and the process she is involved in. Questions such as “How do you know that?" or “What do you think made that happen?" or, “How did you do that?" These types of questions will help the child think through and express what she is doing.
When we ask open ended questions and limit the amount of questions we ask, our young children will be encouraged to communicate with us and to focus on what interests them at the same time. As they focus on what they are doing and talk about it they not only develop language but they also learn that their work is valued and that what they are doing is important. Self esteem is developed along with a strong parent child relationship. Talking with our young children becomes fun for both of us!
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)I love your suggestions! It always seems to me that the kind of questions which put a child on the spot are more about the parent's obsession with the child becoming "better", whereas your questions are about helping the child discover itself and life.HI Jennifer,
Thanks for your comment. Yes, children are really experts at discovering the life around them and if we support that process, they will learn so much more than if we try to direct their discoveries!
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